more comparisons, more insight

First, wow... it is great to hear from some of my old college friends through the comments you have left me! I have been making fun of Adam for having a facebook page until my mom requested him as a friend on facebook! Who knew my own mother had a facebook page? HA! Or that it would give me the opportunity to catch up with some great people?

So, I've been thinking and experimenting a lot with the difference between each ear and both. I am so anxious to find out if other CI users have the same sensations I have or if once again I am a freak of nature? Seriously but not... =)

Ok... here is the breakdown... My right side was implanted 13 months ago. It was all alone until the left side was activated in late March of this year... My right side is still predominant in understanding basically everything... I can function pretty comfortably in all areas with just one, or so I think... but then I realize I am cranking up the volume on the t.v., my understanding of words goes from excellent to having to ask for things to be repeated... and I realize how much of a gift the second one has been...
The left side, well... it acts as ... let's compare the right to the camera and the left to the lens... It makes the sounds take shape and make sense... alone it sounds kind of bright, and alone it can leave me edgy, but I see how they each work independently and also how they/my brain works it out as a team. Seriously, if you sit and think about it, it can raise some questions...
1) Do normal hearing people have an ear that captures the information and an ear that shapes the sound?
2) Do other people with two cochlear implants feel the same way?
3) How does my brain make it all work so brilliantly?

I can no longer enjoy music with just one... it feels all wrong with one. How much of my hearing is instincts, auditory memory and how much is true?

I had a moment this afternoon, that kind of took my breath away... talk about localization... (that is the ability to tell where the sound is coming from)... I heard a light thunderstorm roll in, and could tell when it was rolling out... the distance of the rumble... But I also pay so much more attention to how sounds feel too... something normal hearing people don't experience on a conscience level...

As I sit inside with the windows open this week... a cool week that it has been, I have taken wonder in listening to the sounds outside and identifying them..I can tell the difference between a truck, motorcycle or car without seeing them... I can tell if voices chatting as they walk by are children playing or adults, I can tell the neighborhood dogs apart by their bark.

You know, sometimes I feel the old stabs of pain in my chest, when I remember how badly I miss what I lost. How lost I was as a result. But now, it is more often that I just feel normal again, utterly normal. It is more often I wonder in the miracles of pain and joy I have seen in my life when so much of it is left to be lived. It isn't so much the losing my hearing and whole life being turned upside down that chokes me up now, it is everything in between that I see... The protectiveness of family and friends, the patience of my students, my own determination.