input

I have had my new program for almost a week. It is so hard to say how much better it is when you can't go back and forth between old and new, but here is the week in review....hearing wise, I would need a whole other blog to fill you in on my everyday stuff... holy smokes!
Musically what I am hearing is much more input, it is hard to explain it any other way. I am finding myself being a critical listener again, and let's face it... that is only possible through input. How much more am I getting? It is hard to say. I can tell you that my piano at the high school is out of tune. I know it needs tuned, and Julie (my pal and pianist) knows it needs tuned, but would anyone? Probably not. However, it doesn't just sound kind of out of tune to me, it sounds painfully out of tune to me...I am like the nerdy music version of the bionic woman. No, seriously it astounds me the sensitivity in intonation the new program has given me. But also, I can hear things at a level where I can say... wow, you are off, you are really off, and what the heck are you singing??? I can't compare it to my old hearing, because my brain can't really remember it now, but I can tell you that it isn't even in the same category as hearing aided w/ out the implant and I am capable of much more scrutiny than with my previous program a week ago.
Other things... I was laying upstairs in bed reading, Addison was sleeping next to me and Adam was downstairs doing the dinner dishes... I could hear the clatter of the dishes. The other day I couldn't figure out what I was hearing and I giggled because I forgot the dreadful noises that my dog, Katie makes when she snores... like an old fat man snoring and she is like 30 pounds!

I also realize I owe everyone an update with my school situation and possible opportunities with me working for A.B. in the future doing more testing....
It was a good meeting, but I will not be able to use sick time to test. I can take up to 5 deduct days, without anyone frowning upon me. The loss in wages is a killer because you are charged an arm and a leg and even insurance. What hurts is that I know of staff that abuse their sick days, and being my sickening honest self, I just can't take advantage of it for fear of being found out. The cost then would be much higher in addition to my own guilt. Besides, who knows if anyone will be interested in my input again, meaning Advanced Bionics or any one else for that matter!?

Also, we found at my appointment last week, that we have to initiate the appeal process, so Adam and I filled out the documents online last week for the Let us Hear Now foundation. I was also directed by a friend of mine who works for AB to contact AB insurance. My audiologist says sadly it is standard now for all insurance companies to deny adult bilateral implants. She also felt confident that with the LUHN foundation I can be assured I will get my second implant.

If there is anything I have learned from my whirlwind life the past three years, it is we can do what is in our power to set things straight... beyond that we can hope and pray.
I hope that life will afford me more interesting opportunities like my California trip. I know I was professional and did my best, I have even tried to trouble shoot and clear my path with school for possible return trips...even though I can go back, it will come with a cost.... one worth it to me, and beyond that I wait and see if they will need my input again.
I have done everything in my power to hear better. I was denied for a second implant, but I hope with the help of the LUHN foundation and some time in prayer, it can be a reality.
I have spent too much of my life in worry instead of prayer. In anguish instead of hope.

P.S. Adam decided to spend some time walking in my shoes and wore earplugs for 8 hrs. on Sunday. It was a bit of an experiment on his part to sensitize himself to my reality. I know earplugs cannot give you profound deafness, but I am sure he will blog about it, and I appreciated him wanting to walk in my shoes, to want to know even on a very watered down version of my daily frustrations.