surgery scheduled

February 25th is the big day. I am such a busy mom and teacher that I haven't allowed myself a lot of time to think it over and let it sink in. In a little over two weeks my life is about to change again. I will be having surgery to receive my second cochlear implant.
Here are my thoughts....
I am grateful that God has allowed this opportunity for my family, my students and me. I know that I don't give the props to God that I feel in my heart . I also know that I am nowhere close to having my feelings thoroughly sorted about anything that has happened the last three and a half years of my life; but I know that regardless of my hurt and sorrow over being thrust into the life of a severely hearing impaired individual that I feel gladness today.
I am excited to experience the difference from one to two... not only hearing wise, but musically also. There is a definition to music with my implant that was/is not possible with hearing aids.
I feel hopeful about my future. Instead of feeling resigned and constantly exhausted, I have this anticipation stirring in my soul. I feel that determination I used to gush over with. I am rejuvinated in my ideas.

Am I nervous about surgery? Not really. I know what to expect. There are no fears for me. I am very comfortable with this decision.

I can honestly stand back and say... wow...three and a half years ago I woke up nearly deaf. I ached beyond a way that I can capture with my humble words. I was scared I would lose my job and my identity which I had always from my childhood associated with music. I was a musician and I thought my circumstances would make music intangible for me. I felt I was tumbling down a mountain I can only describe as myself. Panic and fear were robbing me of the happy life I had worked for.
But I wasn't willing to go down quietly. I had no idea what I fighter I was! My mom always used to harp on me as a child and teenager for my stubborness and now I know God put that fire in me for good reason. I have said it before, but how I made it through those first months and even the first year is beyond my own logic and yet I lived in it! I sought assistance from the bvr, was told about a wonderful support group (hlaa), and fought for my job with all I had in me. I still to resist the urge to be bitter and hateful towards the administration that was willing to write me off because that was the easiest option. What if I took their advice and gave up? What if I hadn't heard those gentle nudgings from God... Liz, don't quit, I won't let you down.....
What about my brush with fame during my t.v. stardom on the show three wishes? The testament of love those students gave for me I surely never deserved! The blessing of my second child followed. The sorrow of the continued detortiation of my remaining hearing. Just last winter I laid on the bed in the guest bedroom at my in-laws sobbing because I had just gotten used to my hearing loss and had begun to make peace with my misfortune when it dipped again. How did I avoid letting bitterness take root in my life?
Then there was that window of hope. The realization that I could hear better if I could get a cochlear implant.... hope was something I had forgotten about. Of course, implants are a bit of a gamble, but I felt my situation couldn't be more frustrating, so why not try?
Soon I was hearing things I had forgotten about! The rumbling of a train in the distance, the sound of children playing outside on a warm summer day, the echo of fireworks against a distant hill... and suddenly I realized my life was really getting started. It was far from desperation and gloom and doom.
I'll be honest... do I see myself as a teacher here in rural Ohio forever? Maybe. I trust God will put me right where he wants me and for now this is the place. But, I am no fool to the unique quality of the circumstances of my life. If I stay a teacher in Dennison I will minister right here! Teaching each child I meet about the resilience we are all capable of! I will teach them about music, not just the mechanics of it, but the joy of it! I will teach everyone that no one should give up no matter how bleak things can feel and seem. But I dream of writing a book, being a motivational speaker and educator on hearing impairment and cochlear implants.
Right now, I look forward to the months to come. A second implant may plant the seeds of hope deeper into my heart and what springs forth is anyone's guess.