busy lizzie deep thoughts

What a busy week it has been! The week started off great with a special nod for teacher appreciation week.

I have to say, I don't feel unappreciated at all. Kids are pretty awesome at giving you that little boost when you need it the most. But, this week was especially nice because one of my students nominated me for "teachers are tops" through a local radio station. That was Monday evening, at the end of a very hectic day at school. I hadn't read his nomination letter and it made me pretty emotional knowing that my hard-work means so much to someone. It definitely got me thinking about the many miracles in my life and the heartbreak too.
That evening, when I was being honored by a terrific student, I also came face-to-face with the principal who nearly cost me my job the year I lost my hearing(two of his children had nominated their teachers). He didn't support me in my struggle to overcome the odds and keep teaching, and I came frighteningly close to losing my job. At one point, he told me "off the record" that he wasn't sure if he would want me teaching his daughter music, because she loves music and wasn't sure if I could hear well enough to give her the training she deserved. That was a crushing moment for me. It was equally as difficult when he sat in my classroom to observe me on three separate occasions (a standard no other teacher was held to, and in retrospect was a totally unfair and discriminatory practice), knowing full-well that I was still competent and passionate, and yet sat across from me in a meeting where I thought I was a goner, with the superintendent and he didn't say... I've seen her, she is still effectively teaching. He watched me sob that day; who wouldn't be able to control their emotions? and as he watched he was seemingly unnerved and uncaring.... In the end of that nightmarish year when I lost my hearing, our finances crumbled, my marriage was on the rocks, and I almost lost my job... he left to pursue other options, and I received teacher of the year. In the end, I beat the odds, and outlasted him, but sometimes... when I think back to that year... I am nearly overcome with the flood of memories... It wasn't so long ago I thought my life had completely fallen apart and I wouldn't recover. I thought coming face to face with him, I would say something mean he needed to hear... but I didn't want to be mean. I didn't feel angry anymore. I know I will always be tougher than him, smarter than him, kinder than him... and knowing that and living that is my victory. I'll never be that witty girl that sticks it to the man, though there are days I sure would like to be.
Today... I had a pretty amazing day... rounding out a busy week.
I had the privilege of working with my audiologist on her case-study presentation of me. We worked with several representatives from Advanced Bionics doing some music perception testing. To detail the tests, would be lengthy, but it was everything from which instrument do you hear, to what song do you hear, to which pitch is higher the first or second. I was proud of myself. I don't know the official results, but I am pretty sure I exceeded their highest expectations as well as my own. But what really made my day was when they worked out the issues at the end of the testing I have been having with my programming on my new side. When my audiologist adjusted things a week and a half ago, I struggled immensely because the pitch was altered(lower...deeper) for me... throwing everything off. With the help of one of the AB reps, my audiologist was able to strategize with them and it made things 99% better for me! My audiologist was shown a strategy she didn't know about and the I felt like I got the best payment ever for taking part in the testing.
I was able to talk to the AB reps and my audiologist about the whole hearing process, how I hear music now as opposed to prior to my loss altogether and aided vs. implant. It is amazing how healing it is to talk about hearing things on a really in-depth level with people who want to know all about it.
One of the things that I thought about on the drive home today was how it makes me sad to think that many people with implants do not hear as well as me....and I don't think it is because I am a special case. I think they simply can't verbalize how they are hearing with the implant, what they desire to hear with the implant, or maybe they don't even realize they can be assertive in their programming sessions? Maybe I have a language of hearing that is more in-depth because of my vocation allowing me a conversation with my audiologist that some don't have the ability to have? Maybe they get programmed and are happy with what they have, never realizing there is more out there....???? I think what would be helpful for anyone with an implant, who may be your average joe listener to have help them with their programming sessions is a questionnaire, even a vocabulary list to help them get the most out of their listening experience.... maybe a video coaching them through their mapping sessions...??? I just know that I am fortunate, and though my life has led me down some very rugged paths, I always end up in a clearing where I can take a few deep breaths before I go in a new direction. Whenever I get to liking where I am at, a new journey beckons and I am heading off in new directions that are so unexpected that it seems my life is a crazy fictional saga.