what is hard

It was and always seems to be busy around here. Every day there are new challenges for me, because our listening environments are constantly changing.
I have been asked some good questions, so I am going to try to take you through some of my challenges and some every day things...
The implant doesn't sound weird to me. At my first appointment (the initial hook-up) it did. The thing is, the more you wear it (I have treated it like my hearing aids...in first thing in the morning...out at night before bed) the more normal things become. A lot of people have asked if the wire is always there and the outside magnet. The answer is no. The processor (the part that looks like a hearing aid) has the wire attached and the magnet. Under my skin is the implant, which is a plastic disk containing basically a computer chip and attached to that is an array of tiny electrodes that are wrapped around my cochlea. Also inside is a magnet. When I put on my processor the magnets on the inside and outside touch. Gosh, I hope this makes sense. Another question people ask is does it feel weird...the implant. Yes. But, three weeks now post operation and I can sleep on that side again. I can feel it there, but it is becoming a part of me. Another question is, is there still a lot of popping and cracking on the implanted side... yes. However, when I have the implant in.. there is enough stimulation that I don't notice it. At night when I have taken it off, is the only time I notice it. What about the itching? It stopped itching the day Dr. Weber took out the stitches. They are dissolving stitches, but they were driving me crazy, so he took them out and the itching subsided immediately. The pain was never bad and never has been. I will tell you though, it is a bit heavier than wearing a hearing aid, so the top of my ear is still (10 days post activation) sore. I know from having hearing aids, that you get callused and become used to that and that seems such a petty gripe.
In the morning when I put on the implant it seems almost loud (but definitely not uncomfortable) until I start hearing noise. By the evening (especially on busy social days) I find that I am turning up the volume, which I can do on the processor.
Last night I went to go see several of my students in Oliver being performed at our local community theater. It is a small stage, so they don't mic anything. I found it difficult to follow. I wasn't straining to hear, but at the same time... I just didn't catch it all. I was about to be frustrated when after the show I saw one of my students and he came up and hugged me. Despite the tons of people around, I was easily able to understand what he was saying.
I need to remind myself at times that although this has been a miracle in my life, I am still hearing impaired. Some situations aren't "fixable." It is easy to lose a hold of that when you are hearing so much better. I also have some insecurities. I sometimes worry that something is going to happen to cause me to lose the use of my implant and I am going to have to go through more struggles and loss. I used to have dreams when I first got my hearing aids that horrible things would happen to them and I wouldn't have them anymore, so I guess being a little insecure about the implant is normal. Especially when my hearing is unstable in my aided ear. I think that my family and friends would agree that I am more relaxed and hearing a lot more. I am going to do a post this week of the things I have been hearing that I wasn't hearing before. I just need to make a list before I do it (that means there are a lot!!).