silence

When I think of silence, I think of being a child playing in the snow. At mom and dad's when I was growing up the area was fairly remote. On a cold winter's day I would love to go outside and it seemed the only thing you could hear was the snow crunching under your feet.

Our lives are filled with noise. Even inhaling and exhaling, the punch of computer keys, car noise, a dog lapping from the water dish....

Now I know what true silence is. All of my residual hearing is gone. Even though I had very, very little... I could hear the sparkle of water tumble from the shower, the blow dryer, my baby without my hearing aid... now it is truly quiet. It is the most surreal thing you can imagine because for 29 years I lived with sound. Then with a very reduced sound. Now, without my one processor in, there is absolute silence. I experience something most of you reading this will never experience. There will always be your breath, the sound of forced air, something....

I want to tell you that I am totally okay with it, but it is eerie. When my life has been built with crescendos and diminuendos and trills and runs total silence is something that makes my stomach hurt.