heading to the big city!

I am not overwhelmed anymore. I'll tell you that first 24 hrs. was intense. It was a lot like that time period after I first lost my hearing 4 years ago and went unaided for 6 weeks. The day I got my hearing aid (the second one followed a week later) I was actually afraid because things seemed so loud and there was so much I heard that I was sad because I realized how disabled I had been... well, pretty much the same feelings.
When I have in my right implant only, things seem dull. I am shocked at how much vibrancy the left implant adds to my hearing spectrum. And when I have on just my left implant, I realize how much "mapping" we need to do to get that side sounding "good" to me. But the process isn't a quick one. That is part of what makes it hard. You forget all of the hard work and time it took to get where I am at with the right side. I know that when I hit the 6 month mark with the right side, there was a significant change to what I heard and the 4 day mark! It is slightly different I am sure being bilateral, but there will be progress and I can't expect it to be lickety split.
That time lapse I tried to describe in my last post, is not as noticeable. I liken it to that surround sound that we as normal hearing people are used to. I am not used to being implanted on both sides. So that information coming at me from both sides was very tough that first day. When the audiologists explained to me on activation day that it was a normal sensation it was part of being bilateral and my brain would get it right for me, I was able to understand it (make sense of the weird sounding stuff I was getting), and it has gotten better.
The day after activation I had a church service. (Good Friday) I was so confused as to why my pastor sounded muddy to me. I struggled that night. Again, that is where this process is more frustrating than the first implant, because you don't want to have backwards motion, but I am just trying to be patient (again I can't expect to have it activated and hear as well with it as I do with the one I have had for 8 months..there is an orientation process). Now, yesterday at church... I really didn't struggle at all. So even 2 additional days made a huge difference for me. I am also ready to turn it up to the next program. My audiologist gave me 2 programs in increasing strength to acclimate myself to as the week goes on.
I know this all sounds technical and I am sorry if I have lost any of you. If you have any questions, just email me!
This week is going to be a huge test for me... I am taking the show choir to NYC. We leave late tonight/Tuesday morning. I will be anxious to tell you how the city sounds to me this time as opposed to last time and how the Broadway shows sound. Last time I was very reliant on those around me, because anyone who has been in NYC or has spent any amount of time around teenagers can tell you that both are noisy. I want to be able to be more independent in the city this time. I want to enjoy the richness of the sounds.
I feel like I am doing great. I have to be patient and I also want to enjoy the process not just muddle through it.
I think about the times before all of this started, the reflection is a part of moving on for me. I have grown so much. Going through a freakish thing will do that to you (hopefully anyhow). I just feel it is sad how we all expect certain things, like to be able to hear and taste and see and smell. We figure we deserve that and we don't think about it. We aren't grateful for something we think we all should get. I can write and think of ways to describe to you what it is like to go from being a normal hearing person who is a musician to a deaf person, but you will never understand it fully. I'm glad, believe me... but I like to believe that I can appreciate everything a lot more richly than I used to, and that is a gift in this nightmare.